Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
