Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
