The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
