my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have fence marks all over my body
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
