my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
