omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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