I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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