we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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