Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
