you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
