I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
