I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
