If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize