No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
