ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
