Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
