STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
