just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
