Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
