they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
