After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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