Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
