I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
