why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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