It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
