the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
