i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
