We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
