But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
