i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
