What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
