I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
