Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
