dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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