He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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