I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
