i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
