Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
