The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I want a musical about memes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
