apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
