I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
