she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
