i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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