they need to just BURY HIM!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
