Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
