Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
