spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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