I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
