She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
