I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
