It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
