you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
