I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
