so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
