Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
