Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
