I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
