he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
