as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
