wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
