new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
