I could make wine with my vomit
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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