Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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