No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
