her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
